Borat Review: Cultural Learnings Make Benefit For All Readers

I'm going to skip the original paragraph that introduces Borat: Cultural Learnings etc etc. and its main character, played by Sacha Baron Cohen. You know all this. I'm jumping straight to conspiracy theory.

My response to the film was basic skepticism. I really didn't believe that those interviews were real - and I know that a lot of people are mystified at how he got such results as well - but I mean this as a filmmaker. I simply have trouble believing that it was possible that it's possible to end up with footage that perfect, to have all those pieces cut together so well, to have all of it all come together as breathtakingly easy as it seems to. If you watch any reality TV show - even the extremely controlled and well-funded ones - the footage that they get doesn't compare to the footage in Borat. In this film, they get shots of apparently unrehearsed events from multiple angles, they get that oh-so-necessary close-up on every bit of action that they need to. Their shots always looks clean and crisp no matter what environment they're shooting in, even when they're shooting quick encounters with interviewees who are sure to catch on to the joke sooner rather than later. It's the most unlikely of films of all time.

I've done some research, and it looks like a lot of the people who were interviewed for the movie do exist and are quite angry and insulted about their roles in the movie. They all seem to be real, living, breathing, furious people. This leaves us with three options:

1. The whole thing is real. Every interview and event, including some of the more stunning ones - like the Pamela Anderson spot - were all filmed just as you see them. They were all quietly filmed while people made complete asses of themselves in what is fast becoming one of the most successful comedies of all time. If this is the case, not only is Cohen a genius for his ability to roll with the punches, but his staff of producers are simply the best in the game right now. Head and shoulders above everyone else. Though I suppose, since they came from HBO, that's to be expected. They're also, though, some of the meanest people on the planet.

2. Parts of the film are real - most of the interviews are real, a lot of the reactions are legit - and they faked some of the more tricky situations: the streaking through the hotel ballroom event, possibly the Pentecostal meeting, the bit where the horse keels over just over Borat's shoulder (how did that happen? how is that possible?) and - hopefully - the Pamela Anderson scene. I think this is fair. There are some scenes that are just brilliant if they really are people's real reactions, and there are some scenes that are funny either way. And honestly, I'd just feel bad for Pamela. And that poor, patriotic rider.

3. The whole thing - all of it - is faked. Pretty much everyone is in on the joke. Everyone is acting, this film is a giant hoax. Even the post-film explanations from those tricked in the film, like this somewhat suspicious one (read all the way down to the bottom. As she gets going, she gets funnier and funnier. The bit about the chairs is fantastic) - they're all invented by those in the know.

Y'know what? I think that I truly don't care. If this is all a giant moneymaking game invented by Cohen and those minds at HBO, it doesn't actually matter to me. I got my money's worth out of that movie no matter how it came into existence. Borat is the most categorically offensive, insulting, degrading, and hysterical movie to be released to theatres in years. It goes against everything America believes in.

And if the joke turns out to be on us, well, wasn't that the case anyway?

By the way, if that Pamela Anderson scene is real, the whole rest of the movie can be faked. I don't care. It's worth it just for that one scene.

The Only Thing Playing That's Worse Than "The Grudge 2"

As I write this, I am just finishing up (as in exporting out and re-converting, the boring parts of filmmaking. Well, the most boring parts) to a short film for tomorrow morning's church service as. This month, our church has rented a real classy projector that can play movies and put pictures on a gigantic screen behind the band and the speaker during worship, without having the video play on their faces, too. It looks awesome. Last week I got a bunch of stock footage online and made a video to play while the band did Delirious?'s "Did You Feel The Mountains Tremble?" I synched it up to a click track, rehearsed it with the band, fixed it up to look perfect - it was pretty rockin', I must admit.

So this week, the decide they want another video, but no one can tell me what songs they're playing until I finally tracked down the lead singer during last night's Bebo Norman concert. And last night, you'll note, was Friday. Which left me: today.

So I shot and edited this little film together all by myself today, and let me tell you, friends, it is awful. I mean, truly awful. I can't express how bad it is in mere blogwords. The only thing saving it is the fact that it's basically a b-roll movie (in case you don't know what b-roll is, I'll explain it at the bottom*) to play behind the band, and some of my b-roll is pretty good - because it's shot on HD and looks a lot like it was shot on real film (this is the unexplainable obsession of all filmmakers - they love having their movies look worse than they did when they shot them, as long as they look more like film). Some of it, in fact most of it, is pretty freaking lousy, though.

And this is the worst moment: there's this one part where I needed a shot of a hand holding the steering wheel while the car is stopped. And the girl who I'd shot with before had already left for the day, so I went out, set up the camera, and shot it myself using own hand (sadly, I've got feminine enough hands to pull it off). But by the time I got out to the parking lot, it was 6 o'clock and the sun was down. So I shot it by the glow of the lot's halogen lights, with my own hand and then tried to color-correct the shot later to look like daylight. And also like a girl's hand.

Yeah. It's bad.

Tomorrow, it's going to get played on the 50' x 30' screen behind our band during worship, and no one besides me will have seen any of the film before that moment. And it really sucks.

*B-roll is the parts of a movie where it doesn't matter that much what's being shot, it's just something to save your mistakes and go between the actual necessary things. For example, when you see a documentary, there might be an interview with someone, let's say a zombie. And while the zombie is talking, it'll cut away to whatever the zombie is talking about: rising from the grave with a roar, absorbing shotgun blasts to the chest from cowering citizens, limping along with that inescapable one-leg-dragging zombie limp that George Romero probably really wishes he'd copyrighted. Those shots are called b-roll.

When I say that I have a "b-roll movie," it means that my whole movie is just a bunch of random footage I stitched together to tell a story. Sometimes this works very well - Mark Romanek's video for Johnny Cash's "Hurt" for example.

Sometimes it doesn't. This is one of those times.

Southern Hospitality

There's a great rumor that Southern people are generally more outgoing, friendly, caring, and likeable, and that all Northern people are cold, introverted, mean-spirited, and closed-off. I submit that this is not true. Or, only a little true.

I have now lived, for varying lengths of time, in New Hampshire, Los Angeles, rural Kentucky, and greater Houston. I've also lived in suburban Romania and rural Italy, but that's besides the point (actually, so is LA, but I'm already off track and we've barely started, so let's get back to the main argument).

The point is that while I certainly don't have a particularly large breadth of experience in regards to differences between South and North, but I feel that I might have a great deal more exposure than most of the people who actually advance these claims.

Therefore, based off of my limited knowledge of this subject, here are my...

Five Points To Keep In Mind Whenever Reinforcing South/North Stereotypes.

1. Every area has their own particular war, conclusive battle, or divisive point in American history that the residents of the area look back on proudly. If you live North of the Mason-Dixon line, this is most likely the Revolutionary War, or some event surrounding the birth of our nation, such as the signing of the Declaration or the Constitution.

In the South, this is the Civil War. Northern people laugh at Southern people's fondness for the Civil War, which is a dangerous thing to do. Remember, everyone - we had them outnumbered, outfunded, and outclassed, and they kicked our asses for years before we finally pulled it together. They don't laugh at our love for the Pilgrims. And the Pilgrims weren't all that great.

In Texas, this is the Alamo. Don't mess with it. This is a big deal.

2. Southern people are no more likely than Northern people to come up and greet you on the street if they don't know you. In most cities, South or North, no one does that. People still do that in small towns, it's true, but there's no strong Southern habit that Northern people haven't picked up.

3. However, people greeting people they don't know, smiling at strangers, or sitting out on the porch and chatting with people as they go by does happen more often in the South. I know that obviously seems a major contradiction in relation to point #2, but I merely said that Southern people are no more likely to. They simply have a major advantage - weather. Since Southerners are outside more, they spend more time out on the porch and out and about on the streets, greeting neighbors and chatting with people. It's really a cumulative effect. I mean, think about it:

In more southern states, spring begins really early - let's say February. People come out of their houses in the evenings, eat outside, spend their lunch breaks outside at nearby restaurants. This goes on until about May or June, at which point the sun comes out in force and everyone disappears inside until about September. At this point, people come back outside, enjoy the weather again until it gets chilly again in November.

In the northern states, spring begins really late - it, in fact, never actually comes. At about May, though, summer appears from out of the mud and northerners rush outside. They spend every possibly second outdoors until summer abruptly disappears at about August 23rd. But they don't go back inside yet - they hang on as long as they can, until finally after about six or seven consecutive frosts, they have to admit it's time and go dig out their winter clothes. This happens about mid-September.

So Southerners are outside about 8 months a year, versus a Northern 4. That's a distinct porch-sitting advantage.

(And yes, Northern people have two entirely different sets of clothes, winter and summer. And not just stylish Northerners. Everyone does.)

4. Southern hospitality in the more traditional sense - visiting someone's house and relaxing on lawn chairs or in their living room with a pitcher of iced tea, while the hosts refuse all help in the kitchen - is absolutely true. This is somewhat true in the North, with a key difference: it's for a much shorter span. You could stay at a Southern family's house for a week, and the whole time, you would be a guest. Someone would always be looking after you, and trying to pour you a refill.

After maybe one or two meals at the household, the Northern family would have decided you'd been around the house long enough to find your own way around, and just accepted you as part of the general household. You would be responsible for finding your own drinks and you'd be making breakfast for yourself, but you'd also never feel awkward at the house - you could show up and end up spending six hours on their computer without ever making any sort of conversational effort, and you probably wouldn't even raise an eyebrow. This hosting style is both comfortingly familiar and a little strange.

5. The final major differentiation that I've consistently heard reinforced again and again by people from both areas is the spiritual divide. I've heard it said that Southern people are much more spiritual: many more people go to church, are more open about their faith, and are much more accepting of Christian culture, music, and lingo and less cynical about its many trappings. In my experience, this is true.

On the other hand, I've heard that Northerners are more dedicated to their faith, more likely to research, debate, and wrestle with the major issues of Christianity and its church, and, while less likely to toe the party line, more likely to be passionate about the issues that they do face off about. In my experience, this is true as well.

It's a conundrum to me. I find that faith in the North is generally stronger, deeper, and more personal - but at the same time it stays so deeply wrapped that no one knows about it. The world has to seek it rather than it seeking the world.

In contrast, the Southern faith is constantly seeking, trying to gather in as many as it can, trying to bring people into the fold. But the faith product that's being sold is so weak and pablum that its unpalatable to anyone seeking something deeper. It's a faith that costs you almost nothing - a little cash and your Sunday mornings.

I guess the whole gist of this final point is that maybe there's more to this North/South divide than meets the eye.

Lazy Sunday

Sundays are becoming my laziest days. Sure, I'm busy in the morning with all the services, but after lunch is over, my video projects for the next week haven't started - and won't start 'til I'm back in on Wednesday - so I'm usually just relaxing. I'm sure these days it'll pick up, but today I just scrolled around online for music videos. Which I guess is technically research, since I might get to direct a music video sometime. Maybe.

Anyway, I fixed all the video clips on the sidebar, they all look much better now. And now I'm off - my weekend begins right now.

By the way, if you haven't seen the Ask A Ninja video series, check it out.