Southern Hospitality

There's a great rumor that Southern people are generally more outgoing, friendly, caring, and likeable, and that all Northern people are cold, introverted, mean-spirited, and closed-off. I submit that this is not true. Or, only a little true.

I have now lived, for varying lengths of time, in New Hampshire, Los Angeles, rural Kentucky, and greater Houston. I've also lived in suburban Romania and rural Italy, but that's besides the point (actually, so is LA, but I'm already off track and we've barely started, so let's get back to the main argument).

The point is that while I certainly don't have a particularly large breadth of experience in regards to differences between South and North, but I feel that I might have a great deal more exposure than most of the people who actually advance these claims.

Therefore, based off of my limited knowledge of this subject, here are my...

Five Points To Keep In Mind Whenever Reinforcing South/North Stereotypes.

1. Every area has their own particular war, conclusive battle, or divisive point in American history that the residents of the area look back on proudly. If you live North of the Mason-Dixon line, this is most likely the Revolutionary War, or some event surrounding the birth of our nation, such as the signing of the Declaration or the Constitution.

In the South, this is the Civil War. Northern people laugh at Southern people's fondness for the Civil War, which is a dangerous thing to do. Remember, everyone - we had them outnumbered, outfunded, and outclassed, and they kicked our asses for years before we finally pulled it together. They don't laugh at our love for the Pilgrims. And the Pilgrims weren't all that great.

In Texas, this is the Alamo. Don't mess with it. This is a big deal.

2. Southern people are no more likely than Northern people to come up and greet you on the street if they don't know you. In most cities, South or North, no one does that. People still do that in small towns, it's true, but there's no strong Southern habit that Northern people haven't picked up.

3. However, people greeting people they don't know, smiling at strangers, or sitting out on the porch and chatting with people as they go by does happen more often in the South. I know that obviously seems a major contradiction in relation to point #2, but I merely said that Southern people are no more likely to. They simply have a major advantage - weather. Since Southerners are outside more, they spend more time out on the porch and out and about on the streets, greeting neighbors and chatting with people. It's really a cumulative effect. I mean, think about it:

In more southern states, spring begins really early - let's say February. People come out of their houses in the evenings, eat outside, spend their lunch breaks outside at nearby restaurants. This goes on until about May or June, at which point the sun comes out in force and everyone disappears inside until about September. At this point, people come back outside, enjoy the weather again until it gets chilly again in November.

In the northern states, spring begins really late - it, in fact, never actually comes. At about May, though, summer appears from out of the mud and northerners rush outside. They spend every possibly second outdoors until summer abruptly disappears at about August 23rd. But they don't go back inside yet - they hang on as long as they can, until finally after about six or seven consecutive frosts, they have to admit it's time and go dig out their winter clothes. This happens about mid-September.

So Southerners are outside about 8 months a year, versus a Northern 4. That's a distinct porch-sitting advantage.

(And yes, Northern people have two entirely different sets of clothes, winter and summer. And not just stylish Northerners. Everyone does.)

4. Southern hospitality in the more traditional sense - visiting someone's house and relaxing on lawn chairs or in their living room with a pitcher of iced tea, while the hosts refuse all help in the kitchen - is absolutely true. This is somewhat true in the North, with a key difference: it's for a much shorter span. You could stay at a Southern family's house for a week, and the whole time, you would be a guest. Someone would always be looking after you, and trying to pour you a refill.

After maybe one or two meals at the household, the Northern family would have decided you'd been around the house long enough to find your own way around, and just accepted you as part of the general household. You would be responsible for finding your own drinks and you'd be making breakfast for yourself, but you'd also never feel awkward at the house - you could show up and end up spending six hours on their computer without ever making any sort of conversational effort, and you probably wouldn't even raise an eyebrow. This hosting style is both comfortingly familiar and a little strange.

5. The final major differentiation that I've consistently heard reinforced again and again by people from both areas is the spiritual divide. I've heard it said that Southern people are much more spiritual: many more people go to church, are more open about their faith, and are much more accepting of Christian culture, music, and lingo and less cynical about its many trappings. In my experience, this is true.

On the other hand, I've heard that Northerners are more dedicated to their faith, more likely to research, debate, and wrestle with the major issues of Christianity and its church, and, while less likely to toe the party line, more likely to be passionate about the issues that they do face off about. In my experience, this is true as well.

It's a conundrum to me. I find that faith in the North is generally stronger, deeper, and more personal - but at the same time it stays so deeply wrapped that no one knows about it. The world has to seek it rather than it seeking the world.

In contrast, the Southern faith is constantly seeking, trying to gather in as many as it can, trying to bring people into the fold. But the faith product that's being sold is so weak and pablum that its unpalatable to anyone seeking something deeper. It's a faith that costs you almost nothing - a little cash and your Sunday mornings.

I guess the whole gist of this final point is that maybe there's more to this North/South divide than meets the eye.

Lazy Sunday

Sundays are becoming my laziest days. Sure, I'm busy in the morning with all the services, but after lunch is over, my video projects for the next week haven't started - and won't start 'til I'm back in on Wednesday - so I'm usually just relaxing. I'm sure these days it'll pick up, but today I just scrolled around online for music videos. Which I guess is technically research, since I might get to direct a music video sometime. Maybe.

Anyway, I fixed all the video clips on the sidebar, they all look much better now. And now I'm off - my weekend begins right now.

By the way, if you haven't seen the Ask A Ninja video series, check it out.

The Average News

I haven't the energy for a full, informative post of any kind on any subject, so here's a mish-mash:

- An unusual side benefit to single bachelor living: I've developed better dental hygiene. I'm finally using the electric toothbrush my mom bought me a months and months ago and brushing for the full two minutes, I'm gargling with mouthwash twice a day, I'm paying attention to my gums.

I'm hoping that this one effect will slowly move to cover every aspect of my life, and I will become a regular exerciser, eat carefully balanced meals, and be in bed by 11 every night. This might take time.

- I've decided to write a screenplay in my free time. I've got what I think is an excellent idea, but I'm not going to tell anyone because I don't want feedback. I'm afraid someone will tell me it's not a very good idea, which will paralyze me and make me not want to do it.

- I've also decided to paint my walls, if I'm allowed to. I think it'll really transform my apartment into someplace pretty classy. Or I'll get paint all over my carpet and lose my deposit. Now taking bets on what everyone thinks is most likely.

- I got paid! I'm no longer completely broke, and can now afford to buy the following useful items: food, gas, a waste basket, clothes hangers, a skillet, a pan, and a pitcher. The skillet and the pan are so that I can finally cook the food I have ready to be made (eggs, burgers, cake mix, etc.) but have no way to make them. The pitcher is so that I can finally use the dozen cans of frozen juice concentrate I bought and then left in the freezer once I realized I didn't have anything to make them in.

I was telling this to someone (translation: whining) and they pointed out that earlier in my story I had mentioned that the milk had gone bad. "Why didn't you just wash out the milk jug really well and use that?"

I can't believe I didn't think of that.

- The race for governor of Texas is heated and muddy, and in only ten days, I am as equally informed as any standard Texas voter. The commercials run so often that I've memorized each one and can name all the candidates and a brief history of their campaign. Which has only embittered me.

Now, most campaign commercials are annoying and self-absorbed. But each of these commercials is so frustratingly back-patting and non-specific and mean-spirited that the first time I saw any of them, I said to myself, "I would never vote for you. Ever." And then the commercials kept playing and playing, until it's all I could do to avoid screaming.

I really can't wait for this election to be over.

The Gilmore Effect

I suddenly realized - out of nowhere, in fact - the easiest way to television superstardom is to play a boyfriend on "Gilmore Girls." Every boyfriend on that show is now carrying another major TV series all by themselves - Adam Brody, Chad Michael Murray, Jared Padalecki, and now Milo Ventimiglia.

Don't ask me how I figured all this out, out of nowhere. I don't even get the CW on my TV. Still, all hail the future career of Matt Czuchry!

When the say "where there's smoke, there's fire" - they don't really mean it - do they?

Hello, all.

It is seeming stranger and stranger to me that this is my actual life. I don't know what lever hasn't clicked over yet, but I'm still struggling to realize that this job is not something I'm doing for a little while, but an actual adult job, that I go to every morning and come back from every evening, the cornerstone of every day that pays all my bills, the beginning of my career. Eeks.

In the same way, it's boggling to me that my apartment is actually home, that there is no other home that I go to, that there is no RA living down the hall making sure that I don't set the rooms on fire. As a result, I've already set the rooms on fire, but that's another story.

Oh, fine, I'll tell it now. I was lying, I haven't actually set anything on fire. But I am having some real trouble cooking. The smoke alarm and I have had some arguments, and while it won the first three or four days, I've finally conquered, since it's under the sink with its batteries disconnected. That'll show it.

See, the problem is
a) whenever I turn on the stove, there's smoke. Not a lot, but enough to set off the alarm, even with the fan above the stove on.
b) I don't have a skillet of any kind. I didn't think this would make much of an effect, but it has. See, I tried making a hamburger in a cooking pot, figuring that wouldn't make any difference. 10 seconds later, I was fighting a final, conclusive fight with the smoke alarm. 30 seconds later, I couldn't see into the pot because of all the smoke. 60 seconds in, I couldn't actually see the stove. 90 seconds in, I couldn't see the apartment. I opened all the windows, turned on the air conditioner and the bathroom fan, turned on both ceiling fans, and threw the door to the balcony wide open. It made absolute no difference. I decided to flip the burger. The bottom was burned to a crisp, the middle still frozen. I burned the other side, too, just for balance, pulled it out, and turned of the stove.

I drenched it in Ranch and stuffed it down, ignoring the gristle and purplish meat, squinting through the haze at the TV. I'll be damned if any burger is going to defeat me. Then I made a salad. It took almost no effort. I'm thinking of eating more salads.

By the way, someone insinuated that my purchase of the TV of the last post was a sucker's ruse, and they must have seen me coming for miles. I'll have you know that in addition to the fact that the TV is massive - which, if you read the last post, you must have surmised - it also only cost me $10, which is cheap, regardless. A bargain is a bargain.

When I returned to my apartment, I turned on the TV to 99 channels of black-and-white fuzz. I found an old paper clip in my desk and stuck it in the back: 98 channels of black-and-white fuzz and one channel of colored fuzz. Bingo. I pulled a shirt off its clothes hanger, untwisted it, and attached it to the back. 97 with black-and-white fuzz, one indistict channel and a new channel with colored fuzz. I gaze at the TV for ten or fifteen minutes, until I think figure out that the indistinct channel is probably PBS. Brilliant. I go back for more hangers.

All of my shirts, suits, and coats are in a pile in the middle of my bedroom. But I now get all 4 networks. Plus PBS.