7. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part I

Speaking of Maggie Smith clucking disapprovingly and long pauses where people think about their feelings…

Y’know, when they announced that the last Harry Potter book was going to be split up into two parts, I was wholly against it.  I seemed to  be the only one – everyone else would note that “so much happens in the last book!” To which I would reply, “No, nothing happens in the final book!”  (I’m a great conversationalist).

But my point was valid. The final Harry Potter book’s plot goes something like this: Harry and his friends hide in the woods while they search for the hidden Horcruxes. They wander around for a while, not finding Horcruxes and bickering. Then they go to Hogwarts, find all the Horcruxes, there’s a big battle, and they kill Voldemort (whoa, spoiler alert!).  That’s the whole book. Considerably more happens in Books Four, Five, and Six, but all of those were able to be weeded down to single movies. How much time can you really spend watching three kids wander through the woods?

Evidently, quite a while. Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows Part I is 146 minutes long, and seems perfectly content to move a slower pace in order to focus more on the characters and their struggles. And I loved it. I’ve completely switched camps, which is ironic because all the people I was arguing with about it not needing to be two movies also switched camps. Most people I discuss the film with had the same complaint: it was way too slow for them.

I couldn’t disagree more. Part of the fun of the Potter books is getting to spend time with the characters, to interact with them as they work to defeat whatever plot Voldemort has cooked up that year and deals with yet another untrustworthy Defense Against The Dark Arts teacher (whoa, spoiler alert!). Each of the movies strips away all the details, all the interactions, and all the quirks, and just says “what do we need to hit in order for this movie to make sense?” For once, we got to experience the characters’ journey with them, rather than jumping frenetically from action sequence to action sequence. If you’ll forgive the snobbishness, this may be the first Harry Potter movie that is actually a film (I’ll admit, that was a terribly snooty thing say. I vomited a little inside).  But there’s a great scene midway through the movie where Harry tries to cheer up Hermoine by dancing with her to Nick Cave’s “O Children,” the two of them trying to cover the other’s sadness with false cheerfulness, but neither of them is capable of overcoming the weight of the burden on both of them. It’s a moment of such emotional maturity from a series where the characters used to spend their time whizzing around on broomsticks and cheerily buying Puking Pastilles.

There’s a scene in the Lord of the Rings movies where a voiceover explains that Frodo has realized “that the quest will claim his life,” spelling out clearly for the audience the stakes of the character’s quest. This movie, God bless it, never spells that out. It’s a film about death, really – three characters venture into the woods in order to complete a mission that will almost certainly claim their lives. Two of them are ready for that, the other needs the whole movie to come to terms with that reality.

Of course, the movie never really says so explicitly. But from the very first moment we see our main characters on the screen, we watch them cut ties with their lives in preparation for death. Harry wanders through an empty house, saying goodbye to the last remainder of his life. Hermoine erases herself from her parents’ minds and her image out of her picture frames. It’s a sad image to start a children’s movie – watching teenagers put their affairs in order before their mission claims their life.  And it’s remarkable that a children’s movie so implicitly trusts it audience to understand its message: some things are worth dying for.

8. The Town

I’ve always been a Ben Affleck apologist.

Now, I will not deny: he’s been awful, god awful, in some movies.  Pearl Harbor, anyone? Or, Reindeer Games? Paycheck, certainly (of all the unfortunate titles to be giving a half-hearted effort in…).  And above all, Gigli. There’s a lengthy list of less-than-mediocre Affleck performances in considerably-less-than-mediocre films.

But people have been too willing to insert him into the Paul Walker/Channing Tatum/Hayden Christiansen – an actor who produces mediocre work and who lacks the capacity to do better. Affleck can – and has –done better.

Look at his career. He was good in Chasing Amy, very good in Good Will Hunting, solid in Shakespeare In Love, solid in Dogma, solid in Changing Lanes, solid in Boiler Room, underrated in a bad Daredevil movie, great in Hollywoodland, good in Smoking Aces, solid in State of Play and very good in Extract. He’s got a lot of recognizably good work under his belt, and all of it gets forgotten, even by me. I didn’t have to spend any time researching the paragraph listing the movies he was bad in, but I did have to research this one.

Plus, he seems, by all accounts, to be a top-flight nice guy. He got his break working in Kevin Smith movies, and even as he blew up to become, for a brief moment, perhaps the biggest star on the planet, he never stopped taking time out to make cameos or take small roles in Smith’s movies. He kept shoehorning small parts for Matt Damon in his movies until Good Will Hunting finally made him a star, and specifically wrote the lead role in Gone Baby Gone to give his younger brother Casey his big break.

People have been celebrating Affleck’s resurgence as a director the last few years but haven’t seemed willing to forgive him for his earlier mistakes in movie choices (the man did make two Michael Bay movies. But hey, so did Will Smith. And you all love Will Smith) the same way they have, say, James Franco.  Though in my mind, their situation was the same. Franco has been stuck in a series of bland lead roles in uninventive movies (Flyboys, Annapolis, Tristan + Isolde), became frustrated with his films he was being offered, and set off to reinvent himself. And isn’t that exactly what Affleck has done? Let’s just wipe the slate clean.

Particularly when you consider how great a job he does here, both as an actor and a director. The Town is stuffed full of tension and expertly assembled. Affleck may not have been in that many good movies, but he’s certainly learned how to make a good one himself. It’s a thrilling, fun, surprisingly emotionally rich heist movie – like Heat for a new generation, or for people who only watch movies where people have Southie accents.

And every actor in the film is as good as they’ve ever been, Affleck included – Jeremy Renner’s a (warning: overused movie review phrase approaching) tour-de-force as Affleck’s unhinged best friend/partner, Rebecca Hall is sweet and quietly strong as Affleck’s unsuspecting love interest. Even Blake Lively is good here, and I think at this point we all know how uncertain that can be (I weep for you in advance, Green Lantern).

I complained earlier in this list that not enough of the movies on this list are really re-watchable, but The Town certainly is. It goes to show that a film can be Oscar-caliber without sacrificing excitement or energy. Not every award-seeking film has to feature Maggie Smith clucking disapprovingly and long pauses where people think about their feelings.

Not bad, not bad.

I was thrilled to see the Packers take home the trophy - and in a score remarkably close to my predicted 28-24. That's right, folks, I'm perfectly attuned to the execution of these NFL games. I'm like a football savant.

I can't find an official prop result list, so I just ran them all by hand as best I could. My bets did pretty well: I won 16 out of 22 bets, for a total winnings of $333.67. Which is not that much for investing (an imaginary) $2500 on the game. I learned a lot about gambling from this one.

First of all, almost everything went my way except for my prediction that Hines Ward would be bottled up and Heath Miller would hit the holes left by the Packers defense over the middle (it was the other way around). That cost me a quick $500.

I also wagered $100 on each of the "automatic" wagers - no punt hits the scoreboard, no overtime, no 2-point conversion, and no safety. I won 3 of 4 for a total winnings of.. -$74.25. The odds on the automatic bids weren't good enough to keep me afloat for the one loss. I'll learn to skip those in the future.

All the money I made was on the bets I made on the props with positive money lines. I made $300 on Rodgers winning the MVP (+150) and $125 on the Gatorade being orange (+250). Those were the only positive money lines I picked, too, so everything else was just a giant battle to pull even. And this was on a Super Bowl I totally nailed. Gambling's harder than it looks.

Still, this was tons of fun, so I might do this again sometime.

Super Bowl Prop Bets

I've always been fascinated by sports betting, but other than March Madness pools or my one trip to Vegas, I've never indulged that curiousity. Gambling can be a cruel friend, and I don't have a lot of cash to throw around.

That said, I like having a rooting interest in things, and I've always wanted the experience of sorting through the options and finding places where you think you might have a leg up on the system. Gambling sites are fascinating to browse through on big games like this. So I thought, why not make my own imaginary bets and track and see what kind of money I'd make? Like a fantasy gambling league. Even if the game tomorrow's a dud, I'll still have lots to root for.

Now, I've no desire to bet on the outcome of the Super Bowl itself - I think it's currently Packers favored by two and a half, and while I like the Packers in this game, it's not a bet that makes my heart pump at all. What makes me excited? Prop bets, where you can bet on actions within the game. Let's jump in.

Quick gambling tip: after each bet, I'm going to put down the money line. It's easy to translate if you know how. If something is labeled positively (+220, say), that means that if you lay down $100 on it, you stand to win $220. If something is labeled negatively (-220, say), you'd have to lay down $220 in order to win a $100. Simple enough?

We'll start off with my fictional gambling pot of $2500.

PRE-GAME

I like Christina Aguilera to sing the Star-Spangled Banner OVER 1 minute and 54 seconds (-240) and to hold the word "brave" for over six seconds (-160). When she's done it before, that's about how long she's gone for, but this is the Super Bowl, and national television, and I think she's gives it her all on this one.
Bet: $50 on each.


(Total Pot: $2400)

GAME

I don't think any punt will hit the scoreboard (-1200). Bet: $100

I don't think they'll be a 2-point conversion (-600). Bet: $100

I don't think they'll be a safety (-1200). Bet: $100

I don't think the game goes into overtime (-1100). Bet: $100

(Total Pot: $2000
)

On the PACKERS, I like:

I think the Packers punt on their first possession (-150) Bet: $100

John Kuhn to get over 5.5 rushing yards (-135). Bet: $100

James Starks to NOT get a touchdown (-220). Bet: $200

I think Aaron Rodgers throws more than 1.5 touchdown passes (-240). Bet: $200

I think Greg Jennings does NOT make a one-handed catch (-400). Bet: $100

(Total Pot: $1300)

On the STEELERS, I like:

I like the Steelers to punt (-160) on their first possesion. Bet: $100

Heath Miller to get more than 42.5 receiving yards (-130). Bet: $100

I say Mike Wallace does NOT get a rushing attempt (-220). Bet: $100

Hines Ward's longest reception is UNDER 15.5 yards (-115). Bet: $100

His first reception is UNDER 9.5 yards (-115). Bet: $100

He does NOT score a touchdown (-240). Bet: $200

He does NOT make a one-handed catch (-400). Bet: $200

(Total Pot: $400
)


Player vs. Player

I like Heath Miller to get more receiving yards than John Kuhn (-27.5) at (-115) Bet: $100

(Total Pot: $300)

Post-Game

I have the defense to dump the Gatorade on the coach (-250) and that the Gatorade will be orange (+250). And I like Aaron Rodgers to win the MVP (+150). Bet: $50 on the first two, and $200 on Rodgers.

(Total Pot: $0)


You're free to grade me as the game goes along, but I'll do a post Sunday night detailing all the imaginary money I've won or lost during the game. If this goes well, I may break this post out again for some of the bigger sporting events of the year. And the Oscars! Think how much more fun this would make my Oscar post.

Of course, for right now, I'll just go ahead and focus on not losing all of my imaginary cash on this game right here. Fun fact: Vegas has won money on every Super Bowl in the last ten years except for one. It is - unsurprisingly - Patriots vs. Giants in 2008 (sigh).

Best of luck to your team. See you tomorrow.

9. The Fighter

Speaking of movies about... stuff that I was just totally against in that last review.

The Fighter is a movie about overcoming things. Not that every movie you've ever watched isn't about overcoming things (with the exception of The Big Lebowski, I suppose), but this one is basically only about overcoming things, like addiction and the people who're standing in your way, and all those things that little indie movies love to deal with. Mostly, though, it’s about overcoming your British accent in order to add a Lowell one instead so that everyone will realized that holy crapballs can Christian Bale act. 

I like Mark Wahlberg as much as the next guy, but the guy doesn’t really have a lot of range (though maybe that’s because he’s acting alongside Bale here, who seems to have nothing but range). That said, whenever he’s in a film that fits his blue-collar tough guy routine, there’s no one who can really do what he does (when they first started making “Entourage”, they were looking for a Mark Wahlberg-type for the lead, before finally a casting director said “y’know, there’s not really anyone else out there like Mark. He’s it.”). He’s great here – he hones his body into fighter shape, and lets you track his story almost wordlessly, letting the audience learn everything they need to from his body language. Because he’s a beefier actor, moviegoers have a tendency to box him in (I swear to God, no pun intended) with Stallone and Statham and other actors with very few clubs in their bag, but really he’s a young Bruce Willis – an actor who forces you to read him very carefully even in the midst of an action film. And I love Willis, so that’s quite a compliment.

But really, it’s Christian Bale who deserves the accolades here (and is getting them - he's a lock for an Oscar in a few weeks). I know that Melissa Leo and Amy Adams are both Oscar-nominated, and deservedly so – Leo’s outstanding as Wahlberg’s overly controlling mother, and despite being considerably uglied-up for the role, Adams has never seemed lovelier – but no review could possibly ignore Bale’s performance. In addition to his accent, he lost a scary amount of weight (and hair) in his efforts to transform into Wahlbergs’ meth-head older brother (you'd have to be a Meth-od actor to do it. Ha! I crack me up), but that’s the least of his performance here. For Bale, that’s just the first step into getting into the head of the blustery, sad, lonely Dickie, who lives permanently in the shadow of what he could have been. He’s so tremendous here that it seems shocking that he’s never snagged an Oscar nomination before.

I’ve said a few snide words about David O. Russell getting a directing nomination over Christopher Nolan, but I can't deny that he does great work here. Every one of the actors is pitch-perfect, and the fight scenes are thrillingly realistic. For a movie that must’ve seemed a little boorish at it pitch meeting (a boxer overcomes his overbearing family, no wonder Wahlberg struggled to get this film made for so long), it’s as solid a sports movie as I’ve ever seen.  A couple questionable music choices knock it down a few notches (a fighter training in Lowell, Massachusetts in the mid-nineties has a montage to a Red Hot Chili Peppers song from 2006 feels jarring, especially when you consider how California-specific Chili Peppers songs always feel), but I enjoyed the film so much that when I came home, I pulled out my speed bag gloves and punched the wall for an hour. The film left me feeling incredibly amped, which is exactly the way a sports movie should leave you.